Becoming Dad: Navigating Your New Role in the Postpartum Period
By Emma Clark, MSW, LSW, PMH-C
A new baby can turn a family system on its head. For men supporting their birthing partners, the postpartum period can be uniquely challenging. You may have watched your partner go through a difficult pregnancy and birth, felt your relationship change to accommodate a new addition, learned the ins and outs of infant care (perhaps for the first time), and started developing your identity as a “dad.” You may also be doing all of this while juggling work, financial concerns, house care, family boundaries, and your own mental health. This time may be especially complicated if you lack positive male role models in your life or blueprints for what it means to be a “good dad.”
If you are a new father struggling with this major transition, you are not alone! As a perinatal psychotherapist, I often hear a few recurring questions from new dads who are navigating their new role. These common questions, along with brief responses, are captured below:
Question: If my partner is exclusively breastfeeding, am I even important right now?
Answer: Yes! Whether or not you are actively involved in feeding your baby right now, you are an essential part of your baby’s development.
Children whose fathers are involved in their care (think bathing, feeding, changing, comforting, and playing) in early childhood tend to be more confident, form better social connections, enjoy secure attachment, take more (positive) risks, manage stress and frustration more effectively, and have better language and cognitive skills. Involved fathers are also more likely to have strong and stable relationships with their partners!
Even if your partner is exclusively breastfeeding, there are still countless ways for you to be involved in the care and nurturing of your baby. More on that below!
Question: Am I allowed to feel anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or exhausted, even though I didn’t carry and give birth to this baby?
Answer: Of course. It is important to recognize the unique physical and emotional toll that your partner has experienced through pregnancy, birth, and beyond; and your experience, while different, also matters.
Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) can occur in both birthing and non-birthing people. In fact, about 1 in 10 dads will experience PMADs during pregnancy or postpartum. Fathers struggling with perinatal depression or anxiety are more likely to experience physical symptoms such as headaches, appetite or sleep changes, fatigue, and restlessness, as well as irritability, anger, and/or frustration.
If you are struggling with your mental health during the transition to parenthood, many options are available to help. For more information, see this resource and/or click “Contact Us” in the banner above to get connected to one of our perinatal therapists.
Question: There is so much to do—where do I start with supporting my partner?
Answer: Fathers who support their partners during the perinatal period can play an important role in reducing maternal mental health issues. Involved fathers also have stronger bonds with their infants and a higher quality of life in the postpartum period. In other words, your support and presence during this period are vital for the whole family system!
Supporting your partner during the perinatal period can look many different ways, and it doesn’t have to be perfect to make a difference. For a long list of practical ways to support your partner during the perinatal period, check out this blog post from our archives:
Question: Is it possible for me to bond with my baby during these early newborn stages?
Answer: Yes! In fact, babies can begin recognizing voices as early as the third trimester of pregnancy. You are an important part of your new baby’s world. Here are a few simple ideas to help you bond with your baby during the early newborn days and beyond:
Sing, read, or talk to your baby. They may not seem to interact with or respond to your words right now, but they can hear and recognize you!
Share skin-to-skin time to help with temperature regulation, soothing, and connection.
When you take time away from your baby (for work or errands, for example), establish a ritual for greeting your baby when you return. Make eye contact, touch or hold your baby, speak to them, and let them know you’re there.
Invest in a baby carrier that feels comfortable and functional for you, and practice wearing your baby around the house or on short walks.
Remember, there is no one “right” way to become a dad. Ask for support when you need it, and remember that showing up, imperfectly but consistently, matters. You are learning alongside your baby, and you don’t have to navigate this transition alone. For more information and support, reach out today to get connected to one of our experienced perinatal therapists or to one of our group or workshop offerings. Our NEW Dads Support Group is now enrolling— sign up today!
https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/the-daddy-factor-how-fathers-support-development/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40317211/
https://www.healthaffairs.org/doi/10.1377/hlthaff.2023.01459
