Someone Will Always Disagree With You—and That Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong PART ONE

By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

One of the most destabilizing truths of early parenthood is this: no matter what choices you make, someone will disagree with you. And often, those someones are people you love, respect, or hoped would feel supportive. In the perinatal period—when vulnerability is high and confidence is still forming—this can feel especially unsettling.

Barring choices that actively harm yourself, your child, or others, or that disregard core safety or developmental needs, many parenting decisions are not moral absolutes. They are preferences. Cloth diapering or disposable diapers. Breastmilk, formula, or some combination of the two. Different sleep approaches. Different feeding philosophies. Different ways of structuring days, nights, and family life. These are not tests you pass or fail. They are decisions shaped by values, bodies, resources, mental health, culture, and circumstance.

And yet—being the one who gets to decide can feel like a heavy load to carry.

We often enter parenthood with the idea that if we just “do enough research,” there will be a clear right answer. But the reality is more uncomfortable: there is rarely one correct path. Instead, there is your path. One that must be flexible, responsive, and allowed to change as you and your child change. That ambiguity can be deeply anxiety-provoking, especially in a culture that rewards certainty and judges deviation.

For many parents I work with, the distress isn’t actually about the diaper choice or the sleep method. It’s about the fear of being judged, the fear of getting it wrong, or the fear that choosing differently from someone else means you are implicitly criticizing their choices—or they are criticizing yours. Add in postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, identity shifts, and the weight of responsibility, and even small decisions can start to feel enormous.

There’s also grief here. Grief for the idea that someone else—an expert, a book, a well-meaning elder—could just tell you what to do. Grief for the fantasy that approval would come easily if you followed the “right” rules. Parenthood often asks us to tolerate being misunderstood and to live without universal validation.

And still: you are the parent.
You get to decide.

That doesn’t mean deciding alone forever, or refusing support, or ignoring new information. It means recognizing that you are the one living in your body, in your home, with your child, day after day. You are allowed to weigh guidance, notice what fits, and set aside what doesn’t—without needing to justify yourself to everyone.

A gentle reframe I often offer is this: discomfort does not mean danger. The unease that comes with choosing for yourself is not proof that you’re doing something wrong. It is often proof that you are stepping into responsibility, autonomy, and attunement. Those are not light tasks.

If you find yourself seeking reassurance over and over, it may be worth asking: What am I actually needing right now? More information—or more permission? More certainty—or more self-trust? More voices—or fewer?

Parenthood is full of decisions that live in the gray, and it requires so much self compassion. Perfection is not possible. A lot of parenting requires trial and error and willingness to adjust as you go. Learning to stand in that gray, without collapsing into self-doubt or defensiveness, is a psychological task as much as a practical one. And it’s okay if that takes time and practice.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you for your choices to be valid.
You need them to be thoughtful, informed, and responsive to real needs—yours and your child’s.

That is not a small responsibility. And you were never meant to carry it perfectly—only consciously.

Be on the lookout for Parts 2 and 3 of this series. In Part 2, we’ll explore how the comparison trap—especially in the age of social media—can erode self-trust and intensify doubt by constantly inundating parents with information and opinions. Part 3 will focus on the emotional and relational challenges that arise when you and your partner are on different pages about parenting decisions for the same child. If you think there should be a Part 4, reach out and let us know what you’d like to see us explore next.