Someone Will Always Disagree With You—and That Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong PART TWO
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
One of the quiet ways self-trust erodes in early parenthood is through comparison. In the perinatal period, many parents are already primed to question themselves as identities shift and confidence is still forming. Add constant exposure to other people’s choices, routines, and narratives, and it becomes increasingly difficult to stay grounded in one’s own values and lived experience. What begins as seeking connection or reassurance can quickly turn into chronic self-monitoring and self-doubt.
Social media intensifies this process by presenting parenting as something that can be optimized if only the “right” information is consumed. Carefully curated snapshots of feeding methods, sleep schedules, postpartum bodies, and family rhythms can create the illusion that everyone else has figured it out. Even when parents intellectually know these images are partial or filtered, repeated exposure can still land emotionally as evidence of personal failure or inadequacy. The nervous system does not always distinguish between inspiration and threat.
From a perinatal mental health perspective, the comparison trap often pulls parents away from attunement and toward external validation. Instead of asking, “What is my baby communicating?” or “What supports my mental health in this season?” the focus shifts to “What are others doing?” or “Am I behind?” Over time, this can weaken confidence in one’s own observations and instincts, despite those being critical tools in responsive caregiving. Self-trust erodes not because a parent lacks competence, but because their attention is constantly being redirected outward.
It is also important to name that comparison is not a personal failing. It is a predictable response to information overload during a life stage that already carries high stakes and vulnerability. Many parents were never taught how to tolerate uncertainty without immediately seeking an answer or approval. When every choice feels public and potentially judged, the pressure to get it “right” can eclipse the reality that many decisions are flexible, contextual, and allowed to evolve.
Rebuilding self-trust does not require rejecting information or disconnecting entirely. It often begins with noticing how certain content makes the body feel and setting gentle boundaries around exposure. It can also involve intentionally returning to internal cues and lived experience as valid sources of knowledge. Self-trust grows when parents practice pausing, reflecting, and remembering that expertise does not only live outside of them.
PART THREE to drop next week!
