Is It Selfish to Want Another Child Right Now?
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
As a perinatal mental health therapist, I often hear this question cloaked in guilt or hesitation: “Is it selfish to want another child?” It’s a tender question—personal, layered, and deeply human. And in today’s world, it can feel especially weighty.
Living and parenting in times that feel uncertain, or even unsafe, can stir up fear. The headlines are hard. Many people are navigating grief, climate anxiety, economic stress, and social division—all while trying to stay rooted in love and care for the families they have or hope to have.
In this context, the longing for another baby can bring both hope and heartache. It might feel complicated, or even taboo, to admit to wanting more when the world already feels so full.
But this longing is not selfish.
It is thoughtful.
It is tender.
And it deserves a soft place to land.
The Desire for Another Baby Is Not Selfish—It’s Human
Wanting to grow your family doesn’t come from nowhere. It may be connected to your sense of identity, a vision you’ve held for the shape of your family, or dreams that are still unfolding. Sometimes it's about healing. Sometimes it's about joy. Sometimes it’s about trying again after a postpartum season that didn’t go how you hoped—or about offering a sibling relationship to your child. Sometimes, it’s an intuition that’s hard to explain.
These longings are not wrong. They’re part of what makes you human.
What often makes this question so painful isn’t the desire itself—it’s the pressure to justify it. In a time when so much feels fragile, people are being asked to hold their personal hopes up against collective realities. That tension can feel impossible to hold.
Holding Space for Grief, Hope, and Complexity
The truth is: there may not be a perfect answer. For many, this decision is touched by grief, no matter the outcome. Grief for a future that feels uncertain. Grief for the dreams that might have to shift. Grief for the vulnerability that comes with choosing love, again and again.
And still, hope exists alongside the grief. There is something powerful about raising children—if that’s part of your path—with tenderness and awareness, even in hard times. There is meaning in shaping the kind of relationships, values, and community you want your family to grow in, even if the world outside feels unpredictable.
Some of the most grounded, compassionate people were raised in uncertain times. That possibility is real, too.
Making Space to Listen Inward
Instead of framing this longing as “selfish,” try approaching it with gentleness and curiosity. Ask:
What part of me is drawn toward parenting?
What worries are surfacing, and where did they begin?
What would help me feel more supported—emotionally, logistically, spiritually—in making this decision?
Who can help me hold these questions with care, not judgment?
This isn’t a decision to make from fear or guilt. It’s one that asks for quiet reflection, honest conversation, and a compassionate relationship with yourself.
If You’re Wrestling With This…
You’re not alone. It’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to carry both longing and fear. These are signs of someone thinking deeply, feeling fully, and honoring the gravity of this decision.
Whether or not you decide to expand your family, please hear this:
You are not selfish.
You are discerning.
You are courageous in asking the hard questions.
And you are worthy of support, no matter where you land.
A Note for Those on Different Paths
This blog assumes a choice is available—but that is not the case for everyone. If you are navigating infertility, solo parenting, health concerns, grief, or any situation where this question is shaped by external limitations or safety concerns, your experience matters deeply, too. Even if your story isn’t reflected here you are deeply held and seen.
