You Don’t Need to Make the Most of Your Parental Leave
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
There is a pressure that can come with parental leave. After months of working, planning, preparing, and waiting for the baby, there is finally time away from work. And somehow, that time can start to feel like another project.
Maybe there is a list of things to accomplish.
Organize the house.
Lose the baby weight.
Finish the nursery.
Start exercising.
Cook healthy meals.
See every friend and family member.
Take the baby everywhere.
Document every milestone.
Make a baby book.
Get back into a routine.
“Make the most of it.”
But parental leave does not have to be productive. In fact, rest is one of the most productive things a postpartum parent can do.
Parental leave is recovery time, too
The postpartum period involves enormous physical, emotional, and psychological adjustment. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists describes the weeks following birth as a critical period of recovery that includes physical healing, sleep disruption, fatigue, changing hormones, infant feeding, and adjustment to parenthood.
That is a lot.
There does not need to be an additional expectation to make the time look meaningful from the outside.
Some days might involve a walk with the baby.
Some might involve watching TV while sitting on the couch.
Some might involve taking a shower and eating something before it gets cold.
Some might involve doing absolutely nothing beyond keeping a tiny human alive.
All of those days count.
Rest does not have to be earned
There can be a tendency to treat rest as something that comes after everything else is finished.
After the laundry.
After the dishes.
After the baby naps.
After answering the texts.
After exercising.
After accomplishing something.
But with a newborn, the list may never actually end. Rest does not have to be earned by completing the list first.
Taking a nap instead of cleaning the kitchen is allowed.
Ordering dinner instead of cooking is allowed.
Watching TV is allowed.
Asking someone else to hold the baby while taking a shower is allowed.
Saying no to visitors is allowed.
Going for a walk without turning it into a workout is allowed.
Staying home is allowed.
Doing less is allowed.
Asking people for help is allowed.
The fourth trimester is not a productivity challenge
There is no prize for having the most organized parental leave.
There is no prize for fitting into pre pregnancy clothes the fastest.
There is no prize for having a spotless house, a perfectly structured routine, or a beautifully documented first three months.
The postpartum period is a time to recover, adjust, connect, learn, and figure things out one day at a time.
ACOG recommends that postpartum care include attention to physical recovery, sleep and fatigue, emotional well-being, infant care, and social support. That is a reminder that postpartum health is about much more than whether someone is “back to normal.”
There may not even be a normal to get back to.
There is a new version of life being figured out. That takes time.
So what counts as making the most of parental leave?
Maybe it is spending an entire afternoon cuddling the baby.
Maybe it is taking a long shower.
Maybe it is sitting outside with a cup of coffee.
Maybe it is watching a comfort show for the fourth time.
Maybe it is accepting the offer of help instead of insisting on doing everything independently.
Maybe it is taking a walk because fresh air sounds good.
Maybe it is doing nothing because the body is tired.
Maybe it is laughing with a partner.
Maybe it is crying.
Maybe it is simply getting through a difficult day.
Maybe it is reaching out a perinatal mental health therapist if you need help and more permission to rest ;) shameless plug.
There is no perfect way to spend parental leave.
The goal does not have to be making the most of every moment.
Sometimes the goal is simply making space to recover, rest, adjust, and be.
And that is enough.
A gentle reminder
If rest feels impossible because of persistent anxiety, sadness, guilt, hopelessness, or difficulty functioning, additional support may be needed. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common and treatable, and reaching out to a healthcare or mental health professional does not mean someone is failing at parenthood.
Parental leave does not need to be productive.
It does not need to be optimized.
It is okay if some of it is spent in pajamas, holding a baby, watching television, and recovering.
That counts, too.
Sources
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Optimizing Postpartum Care. ACOG: Optimizing Postpartum Care
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. ACOG Explains: Postpartum Recovery. ACOG: Postpartum Recovery
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Postpartum Depression. ACOG: Postpartum Depression
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Assessment and Treatment of Perinatal Mental Health Conditions. ACOG: Perinatal Mental Health Conditions
