Does Preparing for the Worst Really Protect Us?
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
In conversations about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, a common question arises: Is it better to lower expectations in order to soften potential disappointment, or to prepare for the worst in hopes that it will make difficult moments easier if they come?
This is a deeply human question, and one that often comes up during times of uncertainty. We are wired to want control when the future feels unknown, and imagining negative outcomes can sometimes feel like a way to stay safe. But in practice, the story is more complicated.
Research and clinical experience show that anticipating the worst does not necessarily make distress easier to bear if a challenge or loss does occur. In fact, bracing for negative outcomes often means carrying the weight of that pain before anything has even happened. The body and mind live the scenario twice: once in anxious anticipation and again in reality, if the feared outcome unfolds. This can heighten stress during an already vulnerable time.
That said, there is a difference between catastrophizing and thoughtful preparation. It can be grounding to acknowledge that not everything is within our control. Exploring practical “what if” scenarios, such as asking who you would reach out to for support, or clarifying preferences for medical care, can provide a sense of agency without inviting unnecessary suffering.
Another way to think about this balance is to imagine building a flexible framework rather than an airtight plan. Instead of trying to prepare for every possible hardship, the focus can be on cultivating resilience, identifying coping strategies, and strengthening supportive relationships. These are the elements that truly help when life does not unfold as expected.
So, does tempering expectations or preparing for the worst actually help? It depends on the form it takes. Imagining disasters in detail rarely softens a blow, but acknowledging that life is uncertain while also allowing room for hope can be protective. Preparation is most helpful when it is coupled with self-compassion, support, and a recognition that multiple truths can coexist. You can allow yourself to hope for the best while also acknowledging that unexpected challenges are possible.
What often matters most is not whether someone “saw it coming” but whether they have space, support, and tools to navigate the reality of what comes. This is where therapy, community, and connection become invaluable. We are not meant to carry uncertainty alone.
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