Navigating Relationship Challenges Through Understanding Needs

By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

Every relationship faces moments of tension and challenge. At the heart of many of these struggles lies a common theme: unmet needs. Sometimes those needs are clearly expressed, other times they are hidden beneath frustration, withdrawal, or conflict. Learning to identify and communicate needs can create a path toward healthier and more balanced connections.

When difficulties arise, it can be helpful to pause and ask two questions. First, what is it that is needed from the other person? Second, what might that person be needing in return? These questions invite reflection and help move the focus away from blame and toward understanding. By considering both perspectives, it becomes easier to see the relationship as a dynamic exchange rather than a one-sided effort.

It is natural for the pendulum to swing too far at times, where only one person’s needs are consistently prioritized. This often leads to resentment or distance. Relationships flourish when both people have room to express their needs and when those needs are given weight in decision making. The goal is not perfect balance at every moment, but an ongoing willingness to notice when things feel out of alignment and to work together to restore that balance.

Allowing oneself to name and share needs requires vulnerability. There is risk in saying, “This is what I long for” or “This is what I am missing.” Yet this kind of openness is what makes authentic connection possible. When both individuals are willing to be seen in this way, the relationship becomes a space where deeper trust can grow.

Authentic connection is not about meeting every need instantly or without friction. It is about cultivating an environment where needs can be voiced, heard, and considered with care. Relationships thrive not because they are free from conflict, but because both people learn how to navigate their needs with honesty and compassion.