New Year, New Intentions? How to Choose (or Not Choose) with Self-Compassion
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
The new year often brings pressure to set goals, become better, do more, or be more. For many perinatal women and parents, this season can feel like another opportunity for leveling up, optimizing, or finally getting everything together.
The truth is that no resolution is required in order to be deserving of care, connection, or growth. If intentions are part of the year ahead, they can be soft, flexible, and rooted in compassion rather than criticism.
Begin With Kindness
Instead of starting with the question “What needs to be fixed?”, consider asking:
What actually feels nourishing right now?
What would help life feel a little less chaotic or cluttered?
What could be added or gently let go of in order to feel more like yourself?
Intentions do not have to focus on self-improvement. They can focus on self-permission. Rest. Slowing down. Creating pockets of calm. Choosing what matters rather than what others expect.
Letting Something Go Can Be a Powerful Intention
Many parents carry an unspoken mandate to do it all. To be the organized one. The emotional anchor. The default parent. The one who anticipates every need.
Doing the most is rarely a personality trait. It is often a trauma-shaped survival strategy created to bring predictability to a world that was not always predictable.
As the new year begins, it may help to explore:
Letting go of the need to manage everything
Putting down tasks that were never actually chosen
Saying no in order to say yes more meaningfully
Allowing support from others instead of holding every thread alone
Letting go is not failure. It is the process of making space for rest, connection, joy, capacity, and healing.
A Parts Work Perspective
If pressure arises to set the right goals or hold everything together, try checking in with the internal system.
The Inner Child might be longing for gentleness, ease, and protection.
The Over functioning Part may be working hard to stay in control so nothing falls apart.
The Grounded, Regulated Adult Self (or “Higher Self”) is the part that breathes more slowly, sees the full picture, and stays steady. This is the part that can guide the year ahead.
There is no need to silence protective parts. A simple acknowledgment can shift the experience.
“Thank you for trying to keep everything safe. There is support here now.”
From that place of internal safety, intentions often become clearer without force or urgency.
Move Into the New Year With Intuition Rather Than Autopilot
Resolutions created from pressure tend to fade because they are fueled by scarcity rather than self attunement. Intentions rooted in intuition, rhythm, and regulation tend to create more sustainable and meaningful change.
Gentle options might include:
Creating small moments of pause
Checking in with the body before making decisions
Taking five slow breaths before reacting
Building rituals that feel grounding rather than overwhelming
Allowing rest without needing to earn it
Or perhaps the intention is simply, “Live this year more awake to myself.”
Shameless Plug… Consider Adding Therapy to the List
If this season brings up old wounds, exhaustion, resentment, or longing, support can help. Therapy can provide space to:
Untangle parts that feel pressured or overwhelmed
Understand where control became a protector rather than an identity
Reconnect with intuition
Create a life that feels steadier, kinder, and more authentic
Therapy is not about fixing anything. It is about creating a space where every part of the self is allowed to breathe and heal.
