Mother’s Day Is Complicated
By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C
Mother’s Day is often framed as a celebration that is supposed to feel warm, joyful, and full. For many, it is. And for many others, it is layered, tender, activating, and deeply complex.
From a perinatal mental health perspective, Mother’s Day can bring grief and loss to the surface in ways that feel sudden and overwhelming. It can hold the ache of pregnancies that ended too soon, children who are not here, parents who are gone, or relationships that did not unfold as hoped. It can stir longing for a child not yet conceived, cycles of wishing and waiting, hoping and trying, and the quiet heartbreak of uncertainty.
Mother’s Day can also be complicated for those actively parenting. There may be love and devotion alongside exhaustion, resentment, or a desire for a break. There can be pressure to feel grateful while also wanting space. Some parents feel torn between needing rest and feeling like they should spend the entire day with their family. Others may feel unseen or disappointed when the day does not meet expectations they did not even realize they were holding.
For many, this day brings comparison. Seeing different kinds of families, different paths to parenthood, or different levels of support can intensify feelings of inadequacy, grief, or isolation. Social media and public celebrations can amplify the sense that there is a right way to experience Mother’s Day, even when that narrative does not fit lived reality.
What is often missed is the both and nature of this day. Joy and grief can coexist. Love and loss can sit side by side. Gratitude can live alongside sadness or anger. Wanting to be present and wanting to escape can both be true. None of these experiences cancel each other out, and none of them are wrong.
If Mother’s Day feels complicated, that does not mean something is wrong. It means you are human, and that this day touches deep parts of identity, attachment, longing, and care.
On Sunday from 10 to 11 am, I am hosting Tender Spaces. This is a gentle, supportive space to be, to process, and to explore whatever complicated feelings might be coming up for you on Mother’s Day. There is no expectation to feel a certain way, no need to have the right words, and no pressure to celebrate or explain. Just space to show up as you are. See flyer below. Sign up to join us here.
Mother’s Day is complicated for so many of us. You are not alone in that.
