Managing Mom Guilt & Silencing the Inner Critic: A Guide for New Mothers
By Jessica Ekhoff, JD, PMH-C
Becoming a mother is a life-altering experience, filled with love, change, and yes—pressure. Many new and expecting moms find themselves grappling with a heavy, quiet burden: mom guilt. It sneaks in during sleepless nights, after a tough day, or even when things seem to be going well. It often partners with a harsh inner critic, whispering, You’re not doing enough, You should be enjoying this, or Other moms have it together—why don’t you?
The most important thing to know is that you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. Mom guilt is very common, but it doesn’t have to control your experience.
Here’s how to start managing that guilt—and begin shifting away from negative self-talk.
1. Recognize the Voice of Guilt
The first step in working with mom guilt is noticing when it shows up. Guilt often sounds like:
“I shouldn’t have gotten frustrated.”
“I didn’t play with my baby enough today.”
“I’m not enjoying this the way I’m supposed to.”
Notice how these thoughts make you feel. Heavy? Anxious? Less-than? Simply labeling this as “guilt talking” can create some space between you and the thought. It also helps to remember that thoughts are not facts.
2. Get Curious, Not Critical
Instead of pushing guilt away or getting upset with yourself for feeling it, try approaching it with curiosity. Ask:
What is this guilt trying to tell me?
Is there a value underneath the guilt that matters to me (like being present or patient)?
Am I expecting perfection?
Sometimes guilt signals something meaningful. Other times, it's rooted in unrealistic standards. Exploring it compassionately can reduce its power.
3. Challenge the Inner Critic
That internal voice that says you’re not enough? It’s often built from societal expectations, family pressures, and social media comparisons.
Try this:
Name the voice (e.g., “Oh, there’s the ‘Perfect Mom’ critic again.”)
Gently challenge it: Is this thought 100% true? Would I say this to a friend?
Replace it with a balanced reframe, like: “I’m doing the best I can with what I have today. That is enough.”
4. Lean Into Self-Compassion
Self-compassion isn’t just being “nice” to yourself—it’s a powerful tool for emotional resilience. It means:
Speaking to yourself the way you would to a friend
Allowing yourself to be human and imperfect
Recognizing that all moms struggle sometimes
You don’t need to earn rest, grace, or love. You’re already worthy of those things simply by being you.
5. Ask for Help Without Shame
You’re not meant to do this alone. Whether it’s asking your partner for a break, talking to a friend, or seeing a therapist—it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of being human.
As a therapist specializing in perinatal mental health, I see brave, loving moms every day who are navigating guilt, overwhelm, and identity shifts. Therapy can be a safe space to untangle these thoughts and rediscover your confidence and peace.
Final Thought:
Mom guilt feeds on silence and isolation. The more we talk about it, the less power it has.
You are enough. You are learning. And you deserve support, grace, and kindness—especially from yourself.
Interested in exploring support through therapy?
If you're feeling weighed down by guilt or struggling to quiet that inner critic, we’d be honored to walk alongside you. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation.
