The Wonder That Never Leaves: Grieving Child Loss and Stillbirth

By Jen Kost, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

As a perinatal mental health therapist, I have the deep honor of walking alongside families through the most tender moments of their lives—moments of joy, hope, and also, heartbreak. One of the most profound, yet quietly carried, forms of grief is the loss of a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth. Whether it’s a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or a neonatal loss, the impact is real, lasting, and too often minimized by the world around us.

Parents are often told, “You can try again,” or “They’re in a better place.” These words, while often well-intentioned, erase the invisible bonds, dreams, and identities already forming in the womb. They miss the way parents start loving and imagining their baby from the very first flutter of hope—the first positive test, the first ultrasound, the first time they picture a nursery or whisper a name.

And when that life is lost, a thousand futures vanish with it.

Grief after child loss is not linear, and it doesn’t have a clear ending. It often lives in the form of wondering. Who would they have looked like? Would they have loved music, or the ocean? Would they have had your stubborn streak or your partner’s belly laugh? These quiet musings aren’t morbid—they are love. They are how grief continues to coexist with life.

You may find yourself imagining your child at different milestones—starting kindergarten, graduating, becoming a sibling. You may feel a pang on their birthday, or when someone else announces a pregnancy. These waves of grief are not signs you’re stuck—they are signs you remember. They are a testament to the love that doesn’t disappear, even when the body is no longer here.

You loved, you hoped, you prepared—and you continue to carry that love forward. There is no timeline for “moving on,” because this isn’t a wound that disappears. It’s one you learn to live with, one that reshapes you, even as you begin to laugh and feel joy again.

If you’ve experienced this kind of loss, know that your grief is valid. You are allowed to speak their name, to wonder about who they might have become, and to include them in your family’s story in whatever way feels right. There is no one way to grieve, no rulebook to follow.

You are not alone. There is space here for your sorrow, your questions, and your wonder. Always.

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If you or someone you love is navigating the heartbreak of pregnancy or infant loss, know that support is available. You deserve care, compassion, and a safe space to grieve without pressure to move on or silence your story.