Coping After Miscarriage or Stillbirth: Honoring Grief and Finding Healing
By Jessica Ekhoff, JD, PMH-C
Experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth is a deeply personal and often devastating loss. Whether it happened early in pregnancy or in the later stages, the grief that follows can feel isolating, confusing, and overwhelming. This kind of loss is not only physical but emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
If you or someone you love is navigating life after pregnancy loss, please know: your grief is valid, your story matters, and you are not alone.
Understanding the Grief of Pregnancy Loss
Grief after miscarriage or stillbirth can be complex. It often includes shock, sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness. You may feel disconnected from others or find that your body’s physical recovery doesn’t align with your emotional healing.
Unlike other types of loss, pregnancy loss is sometimes invisible to the outside world. People might not know what to say, or they may unintentionally minimize your experience. This can deepen feelings of isolation. That’s why it’s crucial to honor your grief in your own way and at your own pace.
Ways to Cope and Heal After Loss
Here are several approaches that can support healing after miscarriage or stillbirth:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve Fully
There is no “right” way to grieve. Some people cry daily, others feel numb for weeks. Some want to talk about it constantly, while others need silence. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise, without judgment. Grief is not a linear process; you may have a day where you feel a bit better, followed by a day where you can barely get out of bed. This is entirely normal and it's important to be patient with yourself as you move through the grieving process at your own pace.
2. Create Space for Ritual or Memorial
Honoring your baby can be a meaningful part of healing. This might include:
Writing a letter to your baby.
Naming them, even if you don’t know the gender.
Planting a tree or lighting a candle in their memory.
Keeping a journal to process your emotions.
3. Reach Out for Support
You don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to trusted friends or family, or seek out a support group specifically for pregnancy loss. Many people find deep comfort in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. Postpartum Support International offers numerous free, virtual support groups every week for those dealing with loss. You can find the full list and sign up to join a group here. You can also call or text the free and confidential National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA to speak with a trained counselor who can provide support and recommend additional resources.
4. Consider Therapy
Speaking with a perinatal mental health therapist can be a transformative part of your healing journey. Therapy can help:
Give you a safe and non-judgmental space to talk about your full range of feelings.
Process trauma and grief.
Address feelings of guilt or self-blame.
Support partners and families navigating shared loss.
Rebuild a sense of safety and hope for the future.
5. Be Gentle With Your Body
Your body has been through a profound experience. Rest, nourish yourself, and listen to what your body needs. For some, this may include physical recovery from a procedure or labor. For others, it’s simply giving yourself the same compassion you’d offer a loved one in pain. This may mean wearing your softest sweatpants, sitting with a warm heating pad, going outside for a gentle walk, or eating your favorite snack. Listen to what your body is asking for and provide it as best you can.
When (and If) You're Ready to Try Again
Many people wrestle with the idea of another pregnancy after a loss. It’s common to feel hopeful and terrified all at once. Take your time when making a decision about any future pregnancies; you don’t need to make any final decisions when you’re right in the middle of your grief journey. Therapy can help you work through these emotions, so any future decisions are grounded in self-compassion and informed care.
